Grell's love advice
by WilliTSpears
Summary: Conflicted with his newfound crush, Ronald Knox seeks Grell's help and love advice. But who is the center of Ronald's affection? Cute little shounen-ai, rated T to be safe but i don't think it'll go past K .
1. Chapter 1

Just another day at the dispatch association…

"Senpai! Sutcliff-senpai!"

Grell looked up from his papers confusedly, not used to being called 'senpai'. He looked ahead of him to see the new guy, Ronald Knox, wading through cubicles in a desperate attempt to find Grell's. He still wasn't quite familiar with the office yet, having just become a shinigami. Personally, Grell still didn't understand why he wanted a LAWNMOWER for a death scythe, but being called 'senpai' made up for it a little.

"Over here." Grell said, waving to get Ronald's attention. The younger shinigami came up panting.

"What is it, Knox?" Grell asked, trying to act nonchalant.

"Um… I need your help with… um…"

Grell Laughed. "If it's paperwork, even you know I suck."

"No, not exactly… um, how do I say this… I have someone that I… like…"

"Oh, THAT."

"Yeah… so, how do I, like, impress him?"

"It's a him! Of course I can help!" Grell brightened up immediately. This boy had come to the right woman. He suddenly liked this new guy.

Grell left his half-finished paperwork on the desk and grabbed Ronald's arm, pulling him to the break room.

/

They sat down on the uniform white lounge chairs in the break room. Grell was excited- he finally had someone to talk about cute boys with!

"So… what's he look like?" Grell asked excitedly.

Ronald blushed slightly as he remembered his crush. "Well, I'm not sure if it'll work out… he's my superior…"

"Oh, hon, that's nothing to worry about! Tell me more!" Grell started thinking of his own dreamy superior.

"Well, he's really tall, like, taller than you and me. He's got short hair but it's not like really short- sort of like that demon you keep telling everyone about. It's also the same color."

This was great, Grell thought. Man, Ronald knew how to pick them. But, it was only fair that Ronald got first try at seducing his crush. Now came the love advice Grell had so anticipated giving.

"So… what do I do?" Ronald asked cautiously.

"Well, hon, number 1 rule is NEVER GIVE UP. I know- I've been working on my crush for hundreds of years."

"Has it progressed any?"

Grell flinched at what he saw as a pretty rude question. But he let it slide. "Th-that's not the point! The point is, love always wins! You just gotta keep trying! Get it?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Great. Rule number 2 is this: the term "personal space" refers to privacy in the bathroom, and does not apply to when your love is out of the bathroom. Nudge them, hug them, hold hands, link arms- any physical contact helps the process. Are you getting all this, hon?"

Ron nodded and kept his eyes fixed on Grell, absorbing every word.

"Also, he'll have no choice but to come see you if you DON'T DO YOUR WORK. It's not generally a good rule to skimp on work, I know, but for love's sake this is essential. They won't have any choice but to come and talk to you, and to spend even 5 minutes with you. Works every time. And that's rule number 3, if you were keeping track."

"Yep."

"Good job."

"Just one question, though."

"Go ahead and ask me anything, hon."

"Won't I get in trouble? All of those instructions are breaking the shinigami rules of conduct- I should know, I memorized them all."

Grell never bothered to keep track of the rules of conduct- they were just so boring. The only ones he knew by heart were the ones William kept telling him he was breaking. So far, they never really mattered. Not that a new guy would know that.

"Oh, hon, it's all for love. Work is just work- boring stuff that you try to get out of your way as soon as possible. Believe me, love lasts a lot longer." He started thinking about William again, and soon became lost in his thoughts.

"Well, I, uh, better get going… thanks for the help, senpai."

"No problem." Grell said, but he looked a bit distant now, thinking things that probably don't belong in a T-rated story. He sat there for a few more minutes before William yelled at him to get back to work.


	2. Ronald follows the rules

Later that day, Grell overheard some scolding going on in William's office. Who did something this time? Grell was the only one who got to be scolded by William! He crept up and put his ear to the door, listening.

"You should know better than this, kid! I thought you got straight A's in Shinigami School! I mean, what is with this shoddy work? I'm not mad, Ronald, I'm just disappointed."

"Yes, sir, I know. I'll redo it."

"Good. You know, having a job isn't just all play- just because you're out of school doesn't mean you can slack off, ok?"

"Ok."

Grell was a bit surprised. As far as he knew, the goody-two-shoes Ronald always completed his assignments on time. This was pretty out-of-character. Then again, Grell knew, being in love made things like work harder to concentrate on, so he couldn't blame the little blonde.

He quickly walked back to his cubicle though, not wanting to be discovered peeking. So he didn't see Ronald's smile as he left William's office.

/

It was nighttime now, and Grell was in the library of cinematic records, reading up on what Sebastian was doing. It was all pretty boring. Washing dishes, fixing holes in the wall, making tea. He closed the record and looked up. William had just entered the room, looking for a record, but when he saw Grell began to retrace his steps.

He wasn't fast enough. Grell skipped up to the taller man and wrapped his arms around him.

"And just where are you going, Will…?"

"That's none of your business, Sutcliff. Now get off me."

He shrugged the redhead off, just to have Grell readjust and link arms, leaning on his shoulder.

"Oooh, Will, you're so COLD! I just love it when you play hard to get- it makes things so much more interesting, you know?"

Grell got a face full of death scythe, and jumped back, clutching his nose where William had pinched it.

"Ouch! Is that any way to treat a lady, Will darling?"

"No, it's not. I'll make sure to refine my behaivior when I see one pass by." William retorted, walking away.

Grell pouted. That was just plain insensitive.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ronald walking briskly towards William, papers in hand.

"Sir, Spears sir! I re-did my paperwork! I apologize about before!" William looked around for who was speaking. A hand lightly touched his wrist, and he whirled around.

"Grell! I told you to- oh, Ronald, it's you." Looking down, he saw Ronald was still touching his wrist. "If you'll please refrain from invading my space, Ronald, I'll be happy to take those papers."

Ronald quickly put that hand to his side and held out his papers. William took at them and inspected them, finding their quality much better than previous.

"Just don't let it happen again Ronald."

"Yes, William."

"What was that?"

"I mean, yes, SIR,"

"That's right." And with that he walked back to his office. Ronald walked the opposite direction. But this time, Grell saw his face- the blonde was smiling.


	3. Before the battle

Now Grell was mad. The little blonde brat had tricked him. It was all so noticeable- so obvious. He facepalmed himself- how could he not have realized? Ronald's superior, tall, short black hair- he might as well have been saying "Hey Grell, I like William!"

He'd skimped on his work- something GRELL had taught him. He'd made physical contact- another thing GRELL had said! And that smile- that utterly FIENDISH smirk as he walked away made Grell realize that this boy wasn't going to back down easy. This- this was WAR now.

And Grell looking forward to show Ronald EXACTLY who William belonged to.

/

The next morning Grell armed himself thoroughly:

Highest heels- check.

Favorite coat- check.

Eye makeup and polished glasses- check and check.

Teeth cleaned to a shine- check again.

Now he was ready to kick some lawnmower-wielding shinigami butt- like a lady.

/

Ronald had been discovered. He knew that. Even if he was new, he could tell that Grell's love was one-sided, and wasn't going anywhere. That idiot Grell- what with his hair, that was way too long, and his shark-toothed grin. On top of that, he wore all red, and makeup, and even dressed like a woman. If he was William, he'd be disgusted, too.

On the other hand, here was Ronald- with regular length hair, a winning, prince-like smile, and an almost perfect record of turning his work in. It was all too simple.

And this battle would be all too easy to win.

/

"Good morning, senpai." Ronald said lightly, as Grell walked into the break room.

Grell gave Ronald a look that shot daggers, glaring as he stomped in the blonde's direction. If that little brat thought he was getting away with anything, he was in for a rude awakening. What, did he think that Grell was born a century ago?

"Knox, what the HELL do you think you're pulling?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, you do. And back off- because he's MINE."

"We'll just have to see about that, senpai." Ronald got up to leave the room.

"Is that a challenge, you little twirp?" Grell's voice was escalating to higher than that of a dog whistle.

Ronald just smiled. "Oh, and thanks for the tips, senpai." With that he left the room.

Yep- that was definitely a challenge. Grell had the strong urge to slap that little smirk off his little face. But, as satisfying as that would be, it was very un-ladylike, and Grell had to save all his charm for William. It would just be unacceptable to show William his bad side- he had to be careful.

But that boy still needed a good beating, and Grell knew exactly how to do it.

/

Later that morning, Grell saw William walking through the hall, looking around cautiously for any sign of red hair.

"Will darling! There you are! I've missed yo-"

"Mr. Spears, sir!"

Grell was interrupted by that damn Ronald, who was now running up to William. Looking around, William looked relieved at the distraction from the Red-haired shinigami behind him.

"Yes, Ronald, how can I help you?"

"Well, sir, I've finished all my work today, but my shift's not over. Might you have any work that you could get off your hands?"

'Oh, what a suck-up!' Thought Grell. 'And an idiot, too. What's with this asking for MORE work?'

Grell jumped in to the conversation. "Oh, it's fine, hon. William is a pretty capable man, you know. And something you should know as the new guy, hon- he saves all his extra work for when I mis-be-have. Isn't that right, Will darling?" he interjected, tapping William's nose with a manicured finger at every syllable in 'misbehave'.

William pushed Grell backwards, brushing himself off like he had been contaminated.

"Thank you for your offer, Ronald. In fact, I think I do have something I need you to do for me." He said, purposefully ignoring Grell.

"Thank you, sir, I'll finish it by the end of today. Does Grell need any help?" Ronald asked as he took a new stack of papers from William.

William interjected. "Ronald, Grell needs a lot of help, I'm sure, but not with his work exactly."

Before he could stop himself, a smirk escaped Ronald's lips.

Grell fumed. It was one thing to be insulted by his love- something he had learned early to just ignore- but to be thought low by this BRAT was just too much.

Both William and Ronald turned to face Grell, who had smoke coming out of his ears.

"I think you may be right." Mumbled Ronald, and Grell snapped.


	4. THE END Finally!

**OMG I'm soo sorry people! I totally forgot to upload the 4****th**** chapter! I know, I epically fail as an author… FINALLY, the 4****th**** and final installment of Grell's Love Advice!**

Grell jumped at Ronald, desperately clawing with his long nails, but getting nowhere in his girlish form of fighting. The "little twirp" was 3 inches taller than him too, but Grell was on his last nerve.

William yelled "Sutcliff, what do you think you're-"

Then Ronald punched back. It was a venomous punch, right to Grell's stomach, sending him flying into the opposite wall. Grell pulled himself out of the wall and clutched his stomach.

"You dare pick a fight with Ronald Knox? Let's see where this goes then, shall we?"

The time for girly fighting was over, Grell knew. He ran straight toward and Ronald stepped out of the way, just to be kicked in the back of the knee and lose his support. He fell to the ground, and Grell slapped his face, something he'd dreamed of doing for the past few hours.

Ronald took out his death scythe and aimed it toward Grell's prized coat, shredding the end.

"MY COAT! YOU RIPPED MY COAT, YOU BLOODY BRAT!"

Grell got out his own chainsaw, slashing as Ronald dodged every swipe, laughing. He kicked Grell's back and the chainsaw stuck into the wall.

William was frantically attempting to stop the fight. "That's enough! I'll give you both overtime! I'll suspend you!" but it was no use. The two kept at it, punching, kicking and yelling.

William had had QUITE enough. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO?" he yelled, loud enough for half the dispatch association to turn their heads in his direction.

Both fighting reapers froze, Ronald gripping Grell's collar and Grell trying to throttle him.

William took a moment to compose himself. There had just been a lot of commotion, and he needed to be able to think through things reasonably, or else they would get nowhere fast.

"That is quite enough! For the love of shinigami, what happened?"

Ronald spoke first. "As you can see, sir, he attacked me for no good reason."

"No good reason?" Grell was mortified- "What part of calling me an idiot in my face not a good reason?"

"Well, if the shoe fits…"

"Shut up, both of you!" This wasn't going anywhere.

"Ronald, I know Sutcliff as yes, an idiot, but not one who starts random fights. And Grell, even if he did make you angry, that behavior was unacceptable. Now, if you can CALMLY tell me what just happened here, we can go along with our daily lives. So what were you really fighting over?"

Grell and Ronald let go of each other and looked down at their shoes. Neither wanted to tell him, and both realized who they had just fought in front of.

"If you two can't tell me, that's fine, but you're both getting a suspension."

Ronald spoke up immediately. "N-no! I mean, um… it's just that… we…"

"Both like you." Grell finished, and they looked down at their shoes again.

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Will asked, still utterly clueless as to what they were talking about.

"This." Ronald said, and reached up on his tiptoes, planting a kiss on William's cheek, to which William's eyes widened.

"DON'T YOU DARE!" Grell screamed, pushing Ronald off William, and kissing him full on the lips, and now William's eyes bulged.

"He's mine!" Ronald roared, grabbing William's elbow and pulling him away from Grell.

"Fat chance, newbie!" Grell said and pulled William's opposite elbow.

"Hey Grell, Ariel the mermaid called, she said she wants her hair back!"

"You're just jealous because it's not dyed."

"What did you say? My hair's naturally this color!"

"Black and blonde? What a weird combination… A freak like you doesn't deserve a prince like him, right, Will darling?"

"And who's talking? Mr. Spears knows that I'm the more valuable worker, right, sir?"

"Ha ha! You can't even call him by his name!"

"I choose not to because I respect him!"

"Respect him, my-

"BOTH OF YOU JUST SHUT UP! If you will permit me, I don't belong to anybody but myself, and I am not YOURS, Sutcliff, and I am not YOURS, Ronald. I have half a mind to fire both of you right now for all the rules you've broken. Fighting in the hallway, public displays of affection, undermining your superior-"

All of a sudden, Grell knew how he could win. He interrupted Will's sentence, getting onto his tiptoes (A hard feat in heels) and whispering into William's ear.

"Bite me, darling." He whispered, then gave the inside edge of William's ear a quick lick, and walking briskly away. Ronald glared at him, but William looked straight ahead, dumbfounded, as a small blush crossed his cheeks, which surprised him even more.

And Ronald stomped away, defeated.

'You won this time, Grell Sutcliff, but prepare for the storm- because Ronald Knox isn't finished with you yet.'

/

**Haha that last chapter was strung together but I personally liked the arguing- maybe because I wrote it. **

**Oh and I'll say it once and I won't say it again- I DON'T OWN KUROSHITSUJI. I swear, I don't think anyone on this website actually DOES own it, but whatever. I didn't make up the characters, I'm just adapting them to my twisted mind.**

**Anyways, I might write a sequel, or just add to it, but please review! I love getting positive criticism!**


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